Few conversations have more landmines than political discussions with loved ones who hold opposing views. That’s why conventional wisdom has long said to avoid political discussions over the holidays.
But some San Diegans are navigating these polarizing talks in a different way. They believe that conversations about politics, if done respectfully, can bridge barriers and increase understanding. They say if we all don’t do this, it will be extraordinarily difficult to move forward and rebuild some of the unity that’s been lost in this country.
In the last eight years, rifts so deep over politics have formed that marriages and friendships have ended, siblings have stopped talking to each other and parents and children have become estranged.
People have questioned whether they still have a shared sense of humanity and fairness with their loved ones. And they believe that disagreements over issues like abortion, climate change, guns, immigration and healthcare cross moral lines, so when they differ with the people close to them, they feel betrayed.
Now, some San Diegans are managing better. Small business owner Noli Zosa, who ran for City Council in the past as a Republican, said he’s sometimes felt caught in the middle between his mother and cousin who don’t support President-elect Donald Trump and a sister who does.
He said he has learned to read when to discuss politics and when to hold back, especially with Democratic friends.
”It’s about navigating and knowing people’s personalities and if people can discuss these things rationally or whether it’s a trigger and it just will just ruin a meeting or a nice dinner,” Zosa said.
Allan Hoving is another local voter who canvassed for Vice President Kamala Harris and said he didn’t want to dwell in anger post election as some of his friends have. So he actually congratulated a friend from high school who supported Trump.
Now Hoving said he’s on a mission to find common ground with people who hold opposing views, to build consensus.
“We think that we’ve been polarized and pulled apart,“ he said. “So now I’m trying to find what what are those places and spaces where people are actively coming together to try to solve the common problems.”
It’s an old saying to never discuss politics, especially with friends and family who hold differing views, and even more especially over the holiday dinner table.
But Daniel Post Senning, author and etiquette expert with The Emily Post Institute, sees more nuance. Senning, the great, great grandson of the famous socialite and original etiquette expert Emily Post, believes people should talk about politics, but be extremely aware and accountable about how they do it.
“You can approach the topic with some care, you can acknowledge that it’s a difficult topic of conversation,“ he said. “You can test the waters a little bit, you can put out some feelers, maybe share some opinions or open the door to the conversation, but don’t just barge through with all your lights flashing right off the bat.”
The fact that people are living in social silos and media silos makes these conversations even more challenging. The biggest source of dissension is that people are operating from different values, said UC San Diego sociologist Kevin Lewis.
“This is another reason these conversations are even more challenging than in the past,“ he said. “Both sides just have a hard time really even conceiving of an alternative viable perspective. “
Lewis and others willing to dip their toes in political discussions with loved ones remind us how crucial it is to understand where one another are coming from and to hold a space for people to discuss their views. They say that could be a first step to rebuilding some of the unity across the country.
