Stephen “tWitch” Boss' widow Allison Holker recently opened up about discovering the depth of his drug addiction shortly before he was going to be laid to rest following his death in Dec. 2022.
Allison Holker better understood her husband after his death.
The 36-year-old recently opened up about how looking into her husband Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ belongings and journal entries following his suicide in Dec. 2022 helped her gain better insight into how much Stephen had been suffering—including how deep his dependence on drugs really was after she discovered a “cornucopia” of drugs in his closet just days before he’d be laid to rest.
"I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral," Allison told People in an interview published Jan. 7, noting she found mushrooms, pills and other drugs she didn’t recognize without the help of the internet. "It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed. It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about].”
She continued, "It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that."
Allison also shared that throughout her nine years married to Stephen—with whom she shared kids Weslie, 16, Maddox, 8, and Zaia, 5—the pair had been open about his marijuana use, which he would smoke in their guest house after the kids went to bed. It is also where he would drink, she said, noting, “That was his alone time. It was his time to recharge, and that was okay.”
But it was only after she began digging into her husband’s secrets that she realized how much he’d been keeping to himself, including allusions in his journals that he’d been sexually abused by a male figure in his childhood.
"He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn't want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much," Allison said of her late husband. "He didn't want other people to take on his pain."
And while she admitted experiencing feelings of betrayal, her perspective ultimately shifted.
"Reading Stephen's journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with," she explained. "It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding."
Allison also leaned on loved ones at this time, who helped her work through her discoveries and feelings.
"It was really hard to put all the pieces together,” she admitted. “Through certain discussions, even with friends and things that have been said, reading through his journals … you realize he went through a lot as a child and never faced it.”
She added, “It's hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you're going to be okay."
It’s that desire to help others that also encouraged the dancer to write her memoir This Far, which publishes Feb. 4.
"I've been so fortunate to have resources that have helped me that I've now teamed up with," she explained. "I've learned there's so many other resources that a lot of people don't know about. I've had so many people reach out to me needing to talk, and if I've learned anything, I've learned that mental health can impact anyone at any time of their life.”
She added, “People that have a lot of light, they still have gone through a lot of dark. And that's okay because you can't have one without the other."
For more celebrities who have gotten candid about the importance of mental health, keep reading.
Candace Cameron Bure
The Full House alum reflected on her mental health journey and navigating her battle with depression.
"It's very difficult to speak out about it, even to your most trusted people," she shared on her Candace Cameron Bure Podcast. "At least for me, I feel like I should be strong enough to overcome that and then it feels so weak."
The Grammy winner has been very open about how she protects her energy, such as ignoring haters on social media, while also sharing her advice for those who may need help.
"When people ask me what I'd say to somebody looking for advice on mental health, the only thing I can say is patience," she told Vogue. "I had patience with myself. I didn't take that last step. I waited. Things fade."
Katy Perry
While everyone was trying to make the best of socially distancing to slow the coronavirus pandemic, the "Firework" artist got real about how situations like this can also be extremely stressful.
"Sometimes I don't know what's worse trying to avoid the virus or the waves of depression that come with this new norm," she shared on Twitter. Katy talked about how she manages those waves, writing, "There is not really anywhere to go besides my car. So I go to my car a lot. That is my safe space."
The model, who has teamed up with designer Kenneth Cole to raise awareness for The Mental Health Coalition, spoke on Good Morning America about her own experiences with anxiety.
She recalled after her panic attacks started recurring, she, "finally kind of got the information that I needed about it."
"For me, I have good days and I have some really anxious days, so I'm really off and on," Kendall expressed, adding that was why she wanted to become involved with the movement. "What I hope to accomplish is for people to not feel as alone."
Dwayne Johnson
The Black Adam actor has been open about having depression and how it can be difficult for men to talk about their mental health.
"We all go thru the sludge/shit and depression never discriminates. Took me a long time to realize it but the key is to not be afraid to open up," he wrote on Twitter. "Especially us dudes have a tendency to keep it in. You're not alone."
The Duke of Sussex helped break down some of the stigma around seeking help for mental health when, in an interview with the Telegraph, he opened up about his own journey with therapy. As he told the outlet, "The experience I have had is that once you start talking about it, you realize that actually you're part of quite a big club."
Another proponent of seeking professional help, the Empire star has been open about her struggles with depression.
"I have a therapist that I speak to," she previously told Variety. "That's the only way I can get through it."
Taraji even started The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, which works to reduce the stigma around mental health in the African American community and also works to increase the number of Black therapists.
"When I was in middle school, I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression and the help and support I received from my family and a therapist saved my life," the Riverdale actress wrote on Instagram in 2017. "Asking for help is the first step. You are more precious to this world than you'll ever know."
The Frozen star has talked for years about her strategies for coping with her mental health at public keynotes and even on her Instagram Stories.
She has advocated for finding the methods that help you best, which for her, according to Health, can include medication, listing ten positive things in her life for every negative thought and getting plenty of exercise.
While the cookbook author is the proud parent to four kiddos, she's also been open about postpartum depression that many new mothers experience but feel like they cannot talk about.
"It got easier and easier to say it aloud every time," she wrote in an open letter to Glamour in 2017. "I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don't want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone."
While promoting her book Mirror, Mirror, the model opened up to The Edit magazine about facing depression and suicidal thoughts as a teenager, saying she felt "something dark" in her during that time.
"I relied too much on love, too much on other people to make me happy, and I needed to learn to be happy by myself," Cara told the publication, via W. "So now I can be by myself, I can be happy. It took me a long time."
The "Thank U, Next" artist has encouraged fans to seek help if they need, responding to a Twitter user who joked about wondering who Ariana's therapist is with, "lmaoaoo this is funny as f–k but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times."
"If you're afraid to ask for help, don't be," she continued. "u don't have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma. I've got a lot of work to do but it's a start to even be aware that it's possible."
The singer has been open about her journey with addiction, sobriety, mental health and more, including many of those aspects of her life within her music.
She also continually reminds fans that working on your mental health is an ongoing process where there will be some bad days, previously writing on Instagram, "A reminder to anyone struggling out there – this life is a journey with tons of ups and downs but you can't give up."
Not only has the actress taken on roles that deal with mental health, such as her role as Rue in the teen drama Euphoria, she's also addressed those issues in her own life, too.
Back in 2013, Zendaya wrote on her now-defunct app that she struggled with anxiety after an appearance on Ellen where her mic went out. She has since learned ways to manage those feelings, adding, "Sometimes you just have to take a step back so things stop stressin' you."
The singer candidly described her mental health journey with WSJ Magazine, saying, "My highs were really high, and my lows would take me out for weeks at a time."
"I found out I do suffer from mental health issues," she shared. "I got on the right medication, and my life has been completely changed."
The Grammy winner made it her mission to spread kindness and be open about mental health, including her own.
"I have struggled for a long time, both being public and not public about my mental health issues or my mental illness," she said during the Global Changemakers Award at Children Mending Hearts' Empathy Rocks fundraiser in 2018. "But, I truly believe that secrets keep you sick."
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